Making a difference

Yesterday while walking down the street I passed a beggar. The lady was thin and frail, African American, probably sixty years old. I looked down and kept walking. But for some reason, after I got a half block down the street, I stopped and turned around.

I gave her my last cash, six dollars. She jumped up and hugged me. Hugged me as if she'd known me for years, as if I was her next of kin. She started to cry and thanked me. I saw her buy a pizza with the money, and the experience made my heart happier than it's been in a long time. It brought me to the conclusion that I'm not doing enough to help those in need, and that now is the time to start making a difference.

This experience also highlighted a moral dilemma I've been struggling with the last year. Most of you know that I work at a large retail store. I am a "Sales Consultant," which essentially means that my job is to eek money out of people wherever I see an opening. I convince people to want things they don't need, and persuade them they have the means to acquire it. Don't have the cash to buy this DSLR? That's okay, we have financing for that. Scared of dropping your phone? Don't worry, we can debit $15 out of your checking account every month just in case something happens to it. Why get the $600 laptop? This Mac that costs $1200 does so much more.

I feel I am personally responsible for people's debt. Sure, it's easy to argue the customer could just say no, but anyone who's been a salesperson knows there are ways to overcome any objection. I am making a difference in people's lives, but a negative one. I am fueling the consumerism that plagues our culture, and I want to stop. I can't stand walking into work. I can't stand taking people's money. It is making me sick.

I want a job that is virtuous. I am searching, and hopefully with my BFA it will be a little easier.